


Remember

by karog



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heartbreak, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 12:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4020685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karog/pseuds/karog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memories make us who we are. But what if we lose them? </p><p>Evelyn comes back from one of her missions and she's changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Our past shapes us. 

Nothing happens without a reason and everything has its purpose. We hold on to our memories because they form us. Our experience tells us to be either cautious or careless, it teaches us how to deal with everything that happens to us on a daily basis, it influences our thoughts, emotions, our personality. 

Thanks to our memories, we are who we are. 

Evelyn knew it was like that. She might have felt bitter about the responsibilities thrown at her without her consent, she might have hated all the fights, all the pressure and attention she received. However, she couldn't deny that it all made her who she was. It made her wiser and more careful. She never used to think before making a serious decision but now she took great care to contemplate every possible option. It also made her more experienced. Now, she realized what the world really looked like and she knew that nothing was only black or white. 

It also enabled her to experience a whole range of different emotions. Fear was something she always felt lingering at the back of her head but she learned to live with it. After all, she had the fate of the world on her shoulders. Guilt was also her good friend, accompanying her surprisingly often from the very beginning of her journey with the Inquisition. 

But she also got to know true friends who were always ready to stand by her, no matter the consequences. And she managed to find love. Something for which she would be grateful till the end of her days. 

Evelyn clung to Cullen's strong arms, feeling her heart shatter at the thought of leaving him in Skyhold. Again. 

"I wish I could stay..." she murmured holding her lover tightly. 

"I know" Cullen answered, stroking her hair. "But I promise you this" he said, cupping her face and gently kissing her cheeks "When you get back, we will find some time only for the two of us, all right?" 

She smiled at the thought, hoping this time they would manage to steal some moments for themselves. It was almost impossible, given the fact that she was the Inquisitor and he, her Commander, but she liked hoping that one day, there wouldn't be any pressing matters to attend to and they would be able just to lay there and forget the whole world. 

"Are you sure?" she chuckled. "Last time we snuck out, we got ourselves in trouble" she grinned playfully, remembering very well their evening spent by the lake. 

"I'll make sure Josephine won't have anything against our short time off this time" Cullen responded, laughing at the memory of Lady Ambassador pulling her hair and yelling at them furiously. 

Evelyn reflected upon her own memories, which focused completely on the gift she had received from Cullen that day. The coin which was supposed to bring her luck. She didn't tell Cullen yet, but she sent it to a jeweler. The coin was special to both of them so she intended to always wear it close to her heart. A pendant seemed to be the best option.

"I love you" she whispered, planting the last kiss on his lips. 

"I love you, too" he answered, holding her strongly as if he didn't want to let her go. "Don't you ever forget that." 

\--- 

Days were passing painfully slowly for Cullen. They always were when Evelyn wasn't around. Cullen was sure that it was the Maker's cruel joke that minutes seemed to pass more quickly when he was with her, with the woman he loved wholeheartedly and intended to spend the rest of his life with her. She was the first light he saw after a very long time spent in darkness. She was the one who showed him he could still be happy. He could still have a chance for a normal life. 

He felt a bit worried that she didn't send him any letter but he just assumed she must have been busy. Besides, he certainly didn't want to sound like an infatuated teenager so he just set his jaw and waited for her return patiently. 

He couldn't wait till she would be in his arms again, making him feel complete, as if her mere presence was the only thing his body missed. He planned the whole day only for them, just like he had promised. He'd already spoken to Josephine about it, he'd already informed his second-in-command about his day off and he'd already chosen a place. Cullen knew Evelyn would love it and he just couldn't wait to tell her. 

And so, when he heard the horns roaring from the towers, announcing the Inquisitor's return, he nearly jumped with excitement. Taking a few deep breaths to calm down, he slowly turned towards the gate to welcome Evelyn. As much as he wanted to remain steady, knowing that such a childish behavior wasn't suitable for the Commander of the Inquisition's army, he just couldn't bottle up his excitement any longer. When he got to the gates, he grinned widely, realizing that it was a matter of minutes and he would be able to hold Evelyn once again. 

First, he saw Cassandra. The Seeker's face was grim and serious but Cullen thought that she always looked like that so he didn't pay much attention to it. 

Then, he saw Varric. His dwarven friend, who was usually the life of the party, was walking silently behind the Seeker, his head lowered and his footsteps heavier than usual. Seeing Varric in such an unusual mood made Cullen a bit uneasy. 

Finally, he saw Evelyn walking by Dorian's side and Cullen sent her a warm smile. He could no longer wait, no longer hold back and so he moved towards them, intending to give his lover a warm welcoming. She looked as if she was worried and Cullen was determined to make her feel better. 

He didn't care if people could see them, they stopped keeping up appearances a long time ago. In a few swift steps, he approached the party and turned immediately to Evelyn. 

"Curly, no, wait..." Varric managed to murmur before Cullen reached out his arms to Evelyn. 

She froze, looking at him with her eyes wide open and then she jumped behind Dorian's back, clinging to the mage's robes. 

At first, Cullen couldn't understand what happened. He was standing in the middle of the road, wanting nothing but to take her into his embrace and she was... afraid of him? 

"E-Evelyn?" he asked hesitantly, once again reaching out to her. 

But she flinched. She flinched at his sight and it made his heart shatter. 

Cullen looked at Dorian and noticed how the mage's eyes were full of sorrow. 

"I'm so sorry, Commander" he said, his voice tense. "There was a fight and..." Dorian stopped, unable to continue the sentence. 

"She got hit with a spell" Cullen heard Cassandra's voice right next to him and she felt her hand on his shoulders. "It erased her memory" she stated, trying to sound as firm as possible but Cullen knew Cassandra too long to be fooled. 

"What?" he just asked as if he didn't want to allow the information to reach his mind. 

"She doesn't remember anything" Dorian continued, regaining the ability to speak. "She doesn't even remember her own name..." 

Cullen looked around their faces and felt as if there was a huge hole in the ground beneath him, ready to swallow him down in one bite, waiting for his next move to destroy him completely. 

"Evelyn?" he asked with a cracked voice and made one step towards her. 

He was sure she would remember him. How could she forget him? It was impossible, ridiculous, if he could just touch her, look her in the eye, explain... she would remember. 

"I don't..." she said terrified. "I'm sorry. I don't know who you are..." she whispered and with her words, Cullen's world fell apart.


	2. Chapter 2

Her thoughts were running wildly as she was trying to find something to which she could hold on. But there was nothing, her mind was empty, devoid of all the memories she might once have had, deprived of her identity. She couldn't even concentrate on something to keep herself distracted because there wasn't a single, coherent recollection which could tell her who she was. 

The first thing she remembered was the mage's face and the way his mustache moved while he was speaking to her. She remembered wanting to laugh at the sight of him but after she realized that the man was a stranger to her, she decided it would be best not to offend him with laughter. The feeling of panic reached her mind only with a sudden realization that she didn't even know her own name. She was a stranger to herself. 

Evelyn was sitting in her room, staring at the mirror for what seemed like an eternity. She didn't recognize the place, she had no idea if the clutter which was piling up on the desk was really hers, the sheets on the bed seemed odd, the smell lingering on them bore no association. Was this her own smell? She couldn't say. 

Everybody addressed her with respect and some kind of a strange reverence but she couldn't understand why. They told her something about her being the Inquisitor, Andraste's Herald but the words had no meaning to her. What was the Inquisition? Who was Andraste? 

And why was there a strange, green light coming from her hand? 

Evelyn was terrified but she couldn't even say if she'd felt such fear before and it was driving her crazy. She wanted to remember something, anything really... without her memories she was no one. 

There were so many questions building up inside her. She tried falling asleep, following other people's advice, but she couldn't even tell which position was her favorite to fall asleep. What was her favorite color? Did she usually put her hair in a neat bun? What did she use to eat for breakfast? Or dinner? Did she use to eat dinner at all? 

She clenched her fists, still looking intensely at her reflection, focusing on her lost memories. Trying to convince herself that something must have been still lingering there, she used all the willpower she had to remember something. But it didn't matter how much she tried, there was nothing. She was still empty, incomplete, hollow. 

Most of all, Evelyn wanted to know who were the people surrounding her almost all the time. She allowed herself to trust the mage a bit but only because he was the first person she saw after she'd woken up. He clumsily healed her injuries and reassured her that she was safe, and Evelyn didn't leave his side during their journey. The mage tried to explain what had happened to her but the shock was too immense for her to remember anything. 

There were also others, a dwarf and a woman who was wearing heavy armor all the time. Although the two of them were friendly and all they wanted to do was to help her, she couldn't bring herself to trust any of them. 

Then, they reached the fortress, Skyhold, and Evelyn couldn't believe when they told her it was her home. It was huge and impregnable, why would she need to live in such a place? Did she have many enemies? 

Finally, there was this man who ran straight to her when there were reaching the gates. His armor was making a strange sound and his cloak was jumping with his movement. He seemed to be powerful and strong, which made Evelyn's heart skip a beat with fear. She knew he was going for her, his eyes were focused only on her and there was a strange desire lingering in them. Was he one of her enemies? Was he going to hurt her? 

But the look on his face when she admitted to not knowing who he was... He was broken and Evelyn couldn't guess why. 

She was sick of staring at herself. It wasn't going to give her any answers. She didn't recognize herself, she didn't remember the long, blond hair and green eyes. Suddenly, she stood up from the bed and in a few swift moves she was by the mirror, panting heavily with all the emotion ravishing her soul. 

Her own reflection was strange, unknown. How could a person live like that? 

Clenching her fists and setting her jaw, she once again focused on regaining her memories. Again, without success. 

Letting anger take over her, she screamed furiously and swung her hand, hitting the mirror fiercely and braking the glass. Evelyn fell down on her knees and started sobbing loudly, holding her bleeding hand. She was empty. There was nothing inside her. 

“Inquisitor?” she heard the guards' voices coming from behind her door. “Are you all right? Do you need help?” 

She didn't respond. Who was the Inquisitor? Who was the Herald of Andraste? Who was Evelyn? 

Evelyn no longer registered what was happening around her. People were running around, somebody helped her stand up, somebody else was soothing her with kind words. Nothing mattered. 

She was no one. 

\--- 

Dorian finally finished talking and he patiently waited for his friends to process everything he'd told them. They gathered in the War Room at Cullen's request and Dorian explained exactly what had happened. 

“So...” the Iron Bull broke the silence. “You're saying it was a Venatori ambush?” 

Dorian glanced towards the giant Qunari with a wordless question in his eyes. He simply nodded. 

“Then, it was the Venatori who attacked the Inquisitor with the spell?” Bull continued. “I don't mean to offend you but perhaps you know something about the spell? You're a Tevinter after all...” 

Dorian sighed heavily, knowing that this question would pop out sooner or later and he wasn't sure whether he felt more relived or embarrassed with an answer he had to give. 

“Yes, in fact, I do know the spell” he said and immediately everybody looked at him with hope. 

Cullen was standing near the window all the time, gazing blankly at the world outside. At Dorian's words, his heart flickered. 

“Well, do tell us about it, my dear” Vivienne encouraged the mage and Dorian continued his explanation. 

“The spell is not very complicated but there is no counterspell, I'm afraid” he said. “The only way we could make her remember is by making her hold something which has a great emotional value for her. I was hoping that the Commander's presence would be enough...” Dorian hesitated, looking at Cullen, knowing that his words would hurt his friend. “But it didn't work, I'm sorry...” 

Cullen set his jaw. When he first found out about Evelyn's condition, he was sure he was going to go mad with all the pain he'd felt but then he realized that as long as Evelyn was breathing, he would not abandon her. He'd do anything to help her and if the spell was impossible to remove, he would make Evelyn love him again. The mere thought of losing her was unbearable. 

“There must be something she holds dear” Cassandra stated matter-of-factly. 

“Yes, something that would bring her memories back” Josephine added, immediately analyzing every conversation she had with Evelyn, attempting to find out if she ever mentioned anything useful. 

Cullen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew there wasn't such a thing. Evelyn wasn't the one to feel sentimental about her possessions. She told him about it when he gave her the coin. She didn't have anything to which she would feel attached. 

While others started wracking their brains about the possible solutions to Evelyn's problem, Cullen was slowly coming to terms with the fact that Evelyn would never regain her memories. It hurt to know she wouldn't remember their first kiss, the time they spent together sneaking out and giggling like teenagers, the first time he told her how much he loved her. 

Cullen wasn't entirely sure his plan was going to work but he was determined to help Evelyn create new memories. To help her remember.


	3. Chapter 3

Pacing nervously around his office, Cullen could think only about the possible ways of making Evelyn fall in love with him again. His strategic mind seemed to be very useful. He knew he had the advantage there as he knew Evelyn well. He knew her favorite flowers, her favorite song, he knew what she liked doing when she had some free time... he could use it. The painful ache in his chest lessened a bit when he realized that it was only a matter of time when Evelyn would be in his arms again. All he had to do was to be there for her. 

He decided not to waste time anymore and went out of the room, silently convincing himself that at that moment there were other, more important things than a pile of reports on his desk. He stopped only for a moment to pick some elderflower on his way, Evelyn's favorite. Breathing in its scent, Cullen felt warmth in his heart. Sometimes when Evelyn managed to find some time when she had no pressing matter to attend to, he would find her in the gardens, picking some elderflower and enjoying the quiet. 

Convinced that Evelyn would love it, he turned towards her room. Taking few steps at a time, his heart beat loudly and he suddenly realized he had felt the same way some time ago. Nervous, anxious, unsure of himself, uncomprehending of his own emotions, he used to walk into her room's direction only to back away halfway, hiding in his office shamefully. Now, it was different. Now, he knew what he was feeling, he was more secure in her presence and he was determined to win back her heart. 

He stood in front of her door, squeezing the flowers in one hand and taking a few deep breaths. However, he didn't even manage to knock on the door when they slowly opened and he saw her bright hair sticking out of the room carefully. 

Cullen held his breath and it took all the power he had to keep himself in control. Evelyn looked so beautiful and fragile he could barely resist the urge to embrace her tighly and protect her from the rest of the world. Instead, he simply stepped back so that Evelyn could see him. 

“Ev... Inquisitor?” he spoke up gently. 

She flinched and let out a silent, terrified scream. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you” Cullen said quickly, reaching out his hand to put it on her shoulder as a sign of reassurance and comfort. But she flinched from his touch and looked at him, her eyes open wide with fear. 

Seeing her reaction broke his heart again. He wanted nothing more than to tell her she had nothing to be afraid of, he wasn't her enemy, she could trust him... 

“I... uh...” he mumbled and automatically his hand found its usual place at the back of his neck. “I brought you these...” he reached the flowers into her direction and waited patiently for her to take them. 

But she didn't take them. Evelyn looked at him with suspicion. 

“Why?” she asked silently. 

“S-sorry?” Cullen muttered, completely confounded. 

“Why did you bring me the flowers?” 

_Because you deserve them. Because you are the prettiest girl I have ever seen. Because I love you, you are the love of my life and I don't want to spend another minute without you._

There were thousands of things he wanted to tell her. 

“You...” he started, staring helplessly at the elderflower. “They are your favorite.” 

Evelyn turned her eyes to the flowers and took a step back. 

“Are they?” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. 

Cullen couldn't believe how foolish it was to say such a thing. He desperately tried to think of something to make her feel better but his mind was empty. Being a man of action, he was never good with words. 

“Evelyn!” they heard a familiar voice coming from behind Cullen's back and Cullen couldn't decide whether he was relieved or irritated with Dorian's presence at that moment. “I'm here, I'm sorry I'm late, it takes some time to look as dashing as I do...” Dorian stopped when he saw Cullen. 

“It's all right” Evelyn said and rushed towards the mage. 

“Late?” Cullen repeated after Dorian. “For what?” 

“Oh, it's nothing, Commander” Dorian answered with a slighter than usual note of carelessness. “We're just going for a short stroll around Skyhold.” 

“I could...” Cullen started and looked at Evelyn with a silent question. “I mean... perhaps I could... May I accompany you?” he asked, hoping she would agree. 

But Evelyn lowered her head and Cullen could no longer pretend he didn't feel his heart shattering painfully. 

“I'd prefer to go with Dorian...” she said silently. 

“Are you sure, my dear?” Dorian asked, looking at Cullen with concern. “Cullen knows everything about the castle, I bet he could show you some really interesting...” 

“I'm sorry” she interrupted. “But I'd rather go with you. Let's go” she turned around and slowly walked away. 

Dorian glanced one last time at Cullen, mumbled some quick apology and ran after Evelyn. 

Each step she was taking felt as if she was stomping his heart. The elderflower was still sticking out of his hand pathetically. 

Cullen realized that the way to Evelyn's heart might be more difficult than he'd imagined. 

\--- 

“You shouldn't treat him like that” Dorian said carefully choosing his words, unsure of Evelyn's reaction. 

“Why?” she asked. 

“He means well, those flowers were nice.” 

They were strolling around Skyhold, Evelyn clinging to his arm and squeezing it painfully whenever someone decided to speak to her. She was still terrified of everything that surrounded her but Dorian promised himself, feeling partly guilty for what had happened, he would take care of her. 

“From what you've told me” she spoke up, avoiding other people's long and curious gazes. “He's my Commander, he should act more professionally. Bringing the flowers was inappropriate.” 

Dorian sighed heavily as he remembered how once she also called Cullen 'her Commander'. 

_-I'd take him and show him things he's never seen in his life_

_-Hey! Be careful, that is MY Commander, not yours. If anyone is to take him anywhere it would definitely be me._

“Dorian?” Evelyn spoke up, seeing her friend being lost in his own thoughts. 

“Yes, my dear, I'm sorry” he decided to change the subject quickly. “Let's go this way, we haven't been in this part of the castle yet...” 

\--- 

Cullen tried focusing his attention on his work but the sight of Evelyn walking away from him was more difficult to forget than he'd expected. He rubbed his eyes and once again tried coming up with a good plan to win back Evelyn when he heard a knock on the door. The hour was late, it was already dark outside so he was surprised to have someone paying him a visit. 

“It's open” he said and felt a pang of jealousy when Dorian entered his room. He knew it wasn't the mage's fault Evelyn didn't want Cullen's company but he couldn't help but wonder why she'd decided to trust Dorian. 

“Busy as always, I see” Dorian commented, noticing the reports on Cullen's desk. 

“Something you need?” Cullen asked, hostility pouring out of his mouth. Dorian glanced at him, looking as if he was hurt by the Commander's words. 

“I'm sorry...” Cullen sighed. “I didn't mean to...” 

“Oh, you did mean it but it's all right” Dorian interrupted, sounding as careless as ever. “I just came to see how you were doing.” 

There was no simple answer. The range of emotions that ravished Cullen's soul was impressive. On one hand, Evelyn was safe in her chamber, not running after Venatori, Red Templars or Maker know what else. But on the other hand, she had no recollection of him and it hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt. 

“I... I don't know...” he finally answered. 

“Just give her some time” Dorian reassured him. “You need to be patient with her now. We'll fix her memory soon, you'll see.” 

Cullen didn't know if he believed him but it was the only thing to which he could hang on when doubt started slowly gnawing at his heart. He was no longer sure if getting back with Evelyn was as easy as he'd thought. 

He wasn't even sure if she could ever love him again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating this story for a long time again. 
> 
> Credit goes to my lovely TurboNerd for her awesome ideas for this chapter and her beta reading <3

Evelyn woke up the next day and once again she had trouble with recognizing the place at first. Her mind slowly adjusted to the new situation and she got out of bed, wanting nothing more than to stay in her room all day and hide from the world. She knew she couldn't do it. For some reason people believed she was an important person and she had duties to which she had to attend. Josephine informed her the day before they were going to have some kind of a meeting in the War Room in the morning and Evelyn's presence was required. 

She sighed heavily and approached the mirror which was replaced after she had broken it. A gentle tap on a window caught her attention and she noticed a black bird sitting on a windowsill. It had a small piece of parchment tied to its leg and Evelyn slowly moved towards the bird, afraid of scaring it away. 

The letter was addressed to her. 

_Inquisitor Evelyn Trevelyan_

Evelyn brushed her fingers across the letters, still having difficulties with remembering that she was the Inquisitor. She decided not to dwell on her sorrow and confusion any more. and quickly opened the letter. 

_Inquisitor,_

_Unfortunately, our meeting in the War Room has to be postponed. I will keep you informed in case anything changes.  
Enjoy your free day. _

_-Leliana_

*** 

Leliana was watching the Inquisitor from afar, trying to remain calm and steady. Only her clenched fists could serve as a proof of her nerves ravishing her soul. She had hoped that maybe her letters would help the Inquisitor remember something but when she saw Evelyn slowly backing away from the balcony, she knew it was all for nothing. 

The meeting in the War Room indeed had to be postponed. The cause of it made Leliana close her eyes and take a few deep breaths. It was better for Evelyn not to get involved at this point. She was still too vulnerable. 

There was no time to waste. They had to act quickly to save their friend. 

*** 

Solas wasn't entirely sure it was going to help but he had to try. Evelyn was the only person capable of stopping the world's fall and Solas had to make sure she _was_ going to stop it. However, she needed to remember. 

So when he noticed her silhouette approaching him with uncertainty, he decided to give it a try. 

„Inquisitor” he said. 

Evelyn turned around with pure horror in her eyes. 

„I know you” she choked out and a glimmer of hope appeared in the elf's mind. 

„Yes, you do know me” he confirmed. „Do you remember?” 

She focused her eyes on his face as if she was trying very hard to understand something. 

„No” she answered eventually. „I saw you in Skyhold. Where are we?” 

A grimace of sadness crossed his face. Solas wasn't expecting a miracle to happen in the Fade but he was still disappointed. 

„You don't recognize this place?” he asked although he'd already known the answer. 

Evelyn looked around. Heavy layers of snow were covering the ground, only some rubble sticking out in some places was a proof of life that once was present in this place. She turned her eyes towards the elf, looking as confused as ever and Solas realized he had failed. 

„Wake up” he just said with sadness lingering in his voice and Evelyn disappeared. 

He returned to his meditation, trying to soothe his nerves, knowing he wasn't allowed to give up. 

*** 

Cole slowly approached Evelyn's room. He knew it was fortunate he could make people unable to notice him. That was how he went past her guards. He'd heard people talking about Evelyn's state but he didn't want to believe. He had to see, had to listen for himself. And he sincerely hoped it would all just turn out to be a lie. 

He came into her room and saw her sleeping in her bed. As silently as possible, he moved in her direction and stood beside her, waiting for Evelyn to wake up. Feeling alarmed with her silence, Cole tried convincing himself it didn't mean anything. She would just wake up and it would be all right. She would remember him, she had to remember him. 

Suddenly, Evelyn opened her eyes and sat up straight. 

„Solas?” she said and looked around the room. She screamed when she saw Cole. 

Cole stiffened. Evelyn woke up but there was nothing familiar in her. 

„Confusion. Lost. I don't know who I am. What was this place? It was cold, gloomy, why did I dream about this place?” Cole started mumbling nervously. 

„Who are you?” Evelyn asked, pulling up her blanket, trying to cover herself. 

Her words were worse than the wounds Cole had received many times during the various battles. She didn't remember him. She didn't know who he was. 

„You have to remember” he quickly said. „You can't forget!” 

Cole made a step towards her, not knowing exactly what he intended to do but he stopped when Evelyn cowered. 

„Go away!” she shouted through tears. 

„You don't remember” Cole whispered one last time and disappeared, leaving Evelyn crying and trembling. 

*** 

After some time, Evelyn eventually calmed down and decided to go out and breathe in some fresh air. The morning was certainly a weird one and she was afraid that if she stayed in her room any longer, there would be more strange things happening. 

She managed to open the door when she was nearly knocked down by a woman whom she found familiar. 

„Inquisitor!” she exclaimed, noticing Evelyn walking out of her room. „Did you receive the message Leliana had sent you?” 

„Yes, I did” Evelyn answered, trying very hard to remember the woman's name. 

„Very well. Can you please accompany me to my office for a moment? I've got something to show you.” 

*** 

Josephine had planned everything very carefully. She made sure to collect each and every letter she had received and passed it to Evelyn. 

„What is it?” Evelyn asked, looking at the thick pile of letters. 

„Letters from interested parties” Josephine announced with a hint of pride in her voice. She was sure it was going to work. The Inquisitor was always furious even with the idea of marriage and she always made Josephine look through all the correspondence concerning such matters. Lady Ambassador was convinced it would be enough to make Evelyn angry and break the spell. 

„Interested parties?” Evelyn repeated with disbelief. 

„With your position, it's no wonder people want to marry you. Those are letters from last month only, if you wish to look through all of them...” Josephine was glad to respond, waiting for Evelyn's livid reaction. 

„Oh...” Evelyn said silently and held the letters tightly. „In that case... I guess I should read them. Thank you. Is there anything else?” 

For the first time in her life, Josephine was left speechless. She'd never felt so much disappointment. It was supposed to work, it was supposed to bring back the Inquisitor they all knew and loved. 

„N-no, Inquisitor” Josephine eventually stammered. „Nothing else.” 

„All right” Evelyn turned towards the door but she hesistated for a moment and asked „Why was the meeting postponed? Something happened?” 

Josephine could swear her cheeks were burning hot. 

„No, of course not, everything is fine and under control, Inquisitor” she reassured, hoping she sounded convinced. 

Josephine allowed herself to breathe again only when Evelyn left the office and closed the door. 

Nothing was fine but because of Evelyn's state it was in Leliana and Josephine's hands to keep it under control. 

***   
„Inquisitor, if I may have a moment of your time” Vivienne spoke up when she noticed Evelyn going down the corridor. 

„Yes?” Evelyn said and stopped to listen. 

„Inquisitor, I was wondering if perhaps the spell which was cast on you may have changed your mind” Vivienne continued, hoping her plan would work. She agreed wholeheartedly that Inquisitor Trevelyan needed her memory back in order to defeat Corypheus. However, Vivienne wanted to take advantage of her temporary indisposition and pour some sense into the girl. She was so young, no wonder she couldn't understand the threat of letting mages live freely. 

„Changed my mind?” Evelyn echoed her question. 

„You heard me correct, Inquisitor” the mage answered and crossed her arms. 

„I'm sorry but I don't... who are you?” Evelyn asked. 

Only her words made Vivienne fully understand the damage which had been done to Evelyn's mind. 

„My dear, I'm sure you'll remember everything if you focus hard enough” Vivienne answered, trying to keep up her calm demeanor. 

Evelyn just looked at her with a mixture of anger and sadness in her eyes. 

„I'm sorry, I have to go” she mumbled and walked away. 

Vivienne was left at her usual post and for the first time in her life she struggled hard to hold back the tears. Evelyn needed to regain her memories quickly. Otherwise, it wouldn't matter if mages were free or not. Otherwise, everyone would be dead. 

*** 

„There you are! I've been looking all over for you!” Varric exclaimed, quickly approaching Evelyn. 

„Varric, right?” Evelyn asked, looking as if she no longer cared if she mixed people's names. It hurt to know she didn't remember him but Varric was convinced the thing he brought her was going to help. 

„That's right, Sunshine, I was wondering if you have a moment to join me in the tavern, I have an interesting story to tell you...” 

„I'm sorry, Varric” Evelyn interrupted harshly. „I have to look through those letters I received from...” she hesitated and thought hard on something. „From the black-haired woman... I can't remember her name...” Evelyn whispered horrified and turned around to leave. 

„Wait!” Varric didn't expect such a turn of events. He was sure Evelyn was going to say yes. The meeting got cancelled on time and they had to do everything to keep the Inquisitor as far away from Curly's room as possible. For now, at least. 

Evelyn stopped and glanced at Varric with curiosity. 

„Here, I brought you this” he said and handed her a thick book. 

The moment her hands touched the cover of _The Tale of the Champion_ , Varric knew it wasn't going to work. 

„What is it?” Evelyn asked with curiosity. 

„It's a... It's just a story. You may read it in your free time” he said and let Evelyn walk away. 

His idea failed but Varric was sure someone would come up with something better. 

*** 

Bull knocked on the Inquisitor's door and didn't wait for a response. He entered the room and saw Evelyn slouching over her desk, reading some papers. 

„Hey Boss!” he spoke up. 

Evelyn turned his eyes on the giant qunari and stiffened. 

„What are you...” she started but Bull interrupted her. 

„Don't worry, Boss, I won't take you much time” he reassured, approaching Evelyn. He noticed her terrified face but chose to ignore it. Bull was more than sure Evelyn wasn't going to be afraid of him soon. He brought her something which was bound to bring back all of her memories. 

„Look! I brought you something!” he announced and pulled out a huge axe from behind his back. 

Evelyn immediately jumped to her feet and backed away, whimpering with fear. Bull felt his chest clenching in an uncomfortable way but he knew he had to be brave. Evelyn would remember him eventually. 

„Don't be afraid!” he said, slowly moving in Evelyn's direction. „Just... hold it. It will all be all right, you just have to hold it.” 

She looked at him still unsure of his intentions and after a brief moment of hesitation, she took the axe from the Qunari's hands. 

_Any minute now!_ Bull thought with satisfaction. 

But nothing happened. No magical tricks or explosions, no sudden realizations, nothing. She just kept looking at him and at the heavy weapon she was now holding in her hands. 

„But it's impossible...” Bull whispered. „You don't remember? This is the weapon with which you killed your first dragon!” 

Evelyn's eyes went wide. 

„I killed a dragon?” she repeated Bull's words in dismay. 

„Not _a_ dragon!” he exclaimed. „We've killed three dragons so far!” 

„I don't... I can't fight. It's impossible” she mumbled, unable to look in Bull's sad eyes. „Please... take it away. I... I have work to do.” 

She gave the axe to Bull and turned her back on him. 

With a heavy heart, Bull left the room, knowing it was better for him to leave as quickly as it was possible. He considered Evelyn not only his leader but also his dear friend. But now, she didn't remember him. He was nothing more than a giant, scary monster to her. 

He left the room too quickly to hear Evelyn's silent sobbing. 

*** 

„Why you cryin'?” Sera asked when she saw Evelyn hiding in the corner of Skyhold's garden. The elf slowly approached her friend, knowing it wouldn't be wise to scare her at that moment. 

Evelyn didn't respond immediately. She wasn't ready to answer as her body was still shaken up with violent sobs which were coming out of her mouth in an uncontrollable way. 

„I...” she started. „I d-don't remember anything...” 

It was too much for Sera. Evelyn was her one and only friend. Before her, nobody could ever understand and accept her. With Evelyn at her side, Sera felt as if she was at home. She knew she couldn't lose her. 

„You know what's good for feeling sad?” Sera asked, sitting next to Evelyn. „Cookies.” 

Evelyn smiled throught tears, seeing the elven girl pulling out some cookies from her pocket. She took one and slowly started biting it. They were just sitting in silence, chewing on their cookies. Sera was watching Evelyn closely just in case but deep down she knew nothing was going to happen. 

„I hate them” Sera finally said. 

„What?” Evelyn answered with confusion in her voice. 

„The cookies. I hate them.” 

„I don't understand. If you hate them so much, why do you eat them?” she asked and looked at Sera expectantly. 

Sera opened her mouth, ready to explain why the cookies were so bad but she realized it was pointless. It wasn't the same Evelyn she used to know. The Evelyn she used to know would never ask why she hated the cookies so much, she would just nod and listen patiently. This Evelyn wasn't the same. 

„You know what? Never mind” Sera answered and left Evelyn sitting on the bench with a confused look on her face. 

*** 

Cassandra watched Evelyn and Sera from the opposite side and waited. She had a plan. It wasn't perfect but it was all she could devise. After Sera left Evelyn, Cassandra decided it was her turn to try and make Evelyn remember who she really was. She approached Evelyn in a few sturdy movement. 

„Come with me” she just said and grabbed Evelyn's arm. 

„What?” Evelyn asked. „What do you want from me? Where are you taking me?” 

„You need to see something.” Cassandra responded shortly and kept silent for the rest of their way to the prison cells. 

Cassandra opened the door to one of the cells and pushed Evelyn. 

„What are you doing?!” Evelyn shouted, irritated with Cassandra's behavior. Cassandra didn't mind. She had to do what needed to be done. Evelyn would understand it later, after she remembers. 

So Cassandra grabbed Evelyn's hands and put them in metal shackles. 

„Did I do something? What's going on?” Evelyn was repeating her questions, her voice quivering with emotions. 

Cassandra stood in front of her, her arms crossed and waited. It had to work. Cassandra didn't have any other ideas and from what she'd heard, others were unsuccessful in their attempts to help the Inquisitor regain her memories. Her idea had to work, there was no other option... 

„I didn't do anything wrong, please” Evelyn wept, tears falling down her cheeks. „I don't remember anything...” she whispered. 

Cassandra might have been a strong warrior but seeing her friend so broken was too much for her to take. 

„You... you don't remember?” the Seeker echoed Evelyn's words. 

„No, I've already told all of you!” Evelyn exclaimed with despair. 

„But... these are... the shackles... It's how we first met” Cassandra stammered. 

Evelyn didn't answer. She just lowered her head and kept weeping. 

Without a word, Cassandra took off the shackles and let Evelyn run away. There was nothing else she could do for her friends, only pray the Maker would have mercy on all of them. 

*** 

„Whoah, were are you running so fast? Something's going on?” Dorian asked and stopped Evelyn when she was halfway to her room. „Did they tell you?” he then added with worry and wiped Evelyn's tears. 

„Everybody wants something from me!” she exclaimed, unable to hold back any longer. „They talk strange and make me do things which I don't understand! I don't know these people, I don't even remember their names!” she kept screaming, while Dorian held her strongly and stroked her hair. 

„Hush, dear, come on... let's get you to some place quiet” he said and led Evelyn to his usual spot in the library. 

She sat in his favorite chair, breathing deeply, trying to calm her nerves down while Dorian prepared something to drink. Attempting to distract herself, she took the first book from a huge pile and shuffled through the pages. Then, something fell out from between them. 

She didn't mean to read it but she couldn't take her eyes away when the letters started forming words. 

Dorian noticed her movement and he stiffened when he noticed what she was holding in her hands. A glimmer of hope appeared in his heart. Maybe his father's letter would be enough for Evelyn to break the spell? It was the first letter he'd received, the one she'd brought him even though she didn't have to. Dorian held his breath and patiently awaited Evelyn's reaction, making sure she wasn't aware of him watching her. 

He sighed with disappointment when Evelyn quickly doubled over the piece of paper and put it back to the book with a hint of embarrassment on her face. 

„Here, drink this” Dorian said, giving her a glass. „It will help you, for your nerves.” 

Evelyn didn't question his advice and although Dorian felt somewhat flattered he was the one she decided to trust, he couldn't deny he would give anything to bring her memories back. 

„They told me what?” she suddenly asked and seeing Dorian's confusion, she added „When we were downstairs you asked me if they told me anything? What were they supposed to tell me?” 

Dorian knew he wasn't supposed to say but he also couldn't keep it away from her. If she hadn't lost her memory, she would want to know. Maybe it was better to inform her after all? 

„It's about Cullen” he said reluctantly. 

„The Commander?” she asked but there was no sign of worry in her voice. 

„Yes” Dorian confirmed. „He is... Well, he is not feeling really well today... And he might need help.”


	5. Chapter 5

Evelyn walked into the infirmary feeling unsure. She couldn’t understand why her presence was required here. Dorian told her the Commander wasn’t feeling well but he refused to give her any more information, stating that he wasn’t in a position to say anything. 

Cullen laid in bed and Evelyn couldn’t deny he looked really sick. Sweat was running down his temples and he winced with pain. He mumbled incoherent words of which she could’t make any sense of but her heart skipped a beat when she caught her name coming from his lips. 

Cassandra and Leliana were standing next to his bed and as soon as they noticed Evelyn, they fixed their gazes on her. 

She approached him with confusion. Shouldn’t they call in a healer instead of her? 

“Inquisitor,” Leliana started. “I’m glad you could join us. The Commander needs help.” 

“I’m not a healer,” Evelyn responded defensively. “If he’s sick then you should...” she continued but Cassandra interrupted her. 

“He’s not sick. Not in regular sense,” she said and as Evelyn looked at her with a silent question in her eyes, Cassandra sighed. “You really don’t remember, do you?” 

Evelyn felt sudden rage. How many times would people ask her about her memories? 

“What part of ‘I lost all my memories’ don’t you understand?!” she exclaimed, making everybody jump with surprise and fear. Dorian approached her quickly and put a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down but it only made her feel worse. “ _I don’t remember anything!_ I spent all day dealing with your strange behavior, with your even stranger questions! Maker, you locked me in a prison cell, Cassandra!” hearing her words, Dorian and Leliana quickly turned her gazes towards the Seeker, shocked with what they heard. “I don’t know what you want from me but I can’t help the Commander, just call in a healer and he’ll help him!” she exclaimed and turned around to leave. 

“He loves you,” Leliana spoke up and Evelyn stopped halfway. 

“What?” she asked in a trembling voice. 

“You heard me,” Leliana answered. “He loves you and you love him. It’s been a long time since you stopped hiding your feeling towards each other. You and Cullen are in a relationship and although it is not my place to say how much it meant for you, it meant the world to Cullen.” 

Evelyn turned around, her face pale and her eyes wide open. Her heart beat fast and she felt as if she just ran a mile. The words she’d just heard made her panic. Everything finally started making sense. He had brought her flowers, he had said they were her favorite, of course he would know that. He had welcomed her at the gates, he had been waiting for her to come back from a mission. Her thoughts were chaotic, as she tried to understand. 

“It can’t be...” she whispered but Cassandra didn’t let her finish. 

“It’s true. Cullen used to be a Templar but he had abandoned the Order and stopped taking lyrium. He’s suffering from the withdrawal now. He was doing really well with your help because he knew you had faith in him,” Cassandra continued. “The thought of you, of your support and love was the main thing keeping him strong. You need to help him now. Otherwise, he might...” she stopped when the words got stuck in her throat. 

“No...” Evelyn whispered, staring at Cullen with terror. “No, it can’t be true. You’re lying!” she screamed as tears ran down her face. “I don’t remember anything, it’s not true!” 

She didn’t wait for their response. Wiping out her tears, she turned around and ran out of the infirmary. She wanted to run as far as she could but her legs were shaking. Leaning against the wall, she tried to calm down her breathing. 

She was in love? And she was loved in return? How was it possible she couldn’t remember anything about the man? It terrified her. But deep in her heart, she knew there was only one thing she could do. 

Approaching the infirmary door slowly, she walked in again. 

“You shouldn’t have put her through all of this, it was too soon!” Dorian spoke with anger. 

“It was the only way. Cullen needs her,” Cassandra said and Evelyn didn’t want to hear any more of her words. 

“I’ll stay with him,” she said and shivered as everybody turned their eyes on her. “Leave us.” 

“Are you sure?” Dorian asked. “I could stay if you want to...” 

“No,” she interrupted with a harsh voice. “I want to be alone with the Comman... with Cullen.” 

As the three of them left the room, she knelt by Cullen’s bed and stared at his face. Evelyn could easily notice his suffering. His fists were clenched and he was sweating heavily. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do to make him feel better. If only she remembered... 

She grabbed Cullen’s hand with hesitation and took a piece of material which was lying next to his bed. She drowned it in cold water and delicately started cooling Cullen’s forehead and cheeks. 

Suddenly, he flinched and grabbed her hand. His grip was strong but at that moment Evelyn knew she wasn’t supposed to be afraid of that man. Not anymore. 

“No...” he mumbled. “Evelyn...” 

“Shh...” she said. “I’m here. It’s going to be all right.” 

She spent all day and all night with him, crying her eyes off, trying to calm him down and understand. There were so many questions in her head. Why did he stop taking lyrium? Why would he endanger his own life in such a way? 

Did he really love her? 

“Evelyn,” she heard Dorian’s voice next to her ear. “You need to rest now. He’s much better now, I’ll stay with him.” 

She looked at Cullen’s face again and felt surprised to notice he actually did get a bit better. His face looked much calmer now and it seemed he was sleeping easy. 

“I didn’t notice...” she said, her voice hoarse. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him now. Get some sleep.” 

Evelyn walked to her chamber with a heavy heart. She felt lost, confused and most of all, heartbroken. With all the memories, she also lost all her happiness and only at that moment she realized how much it hurt. 

She could only hope Cullen would get better and for his own sake, forget about everything that happened between them just like she had.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind words and kudos! <3 
> 
> And as always, special thanks to my best friend, TurboNerd for her beta reading, she's awesome, read her stuff! <3
> 
> Update: Okay, I changed my mind, there WILL be another chapter (one or two, I haven't decided yet)

Evelyn slowly opened her eyes, trying as hard as she could to remember but as always, her efforts were unsuccessful. She was wondering whether her mornings would always look like that, whether the rest of her days were going to be filled with disappointments. 

She decided to get out of her bed and find out if Cullen felt any better. She tried to deny it but somehow she felt worried for him. She couldn’t say whether it was because he was an important person in the Inquisition, or because he used to be important for her. Evelyn wanted to remember. She spent many hours staring at his weary face and there was a strange warmth in her heart of which she was terrified. 

Evelyn approached her desk, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She was surprised to see a tray with some tea and cookies. 

Were they her favorite? _I guess Cullen would know..._

Then, she noticed a small packet with an attached letter and a note. She glanced at the note with curiosity. 

_Evelyn,_

_You’ve slept like a child for two days and a night, I didn’t dare to wake you. Maker knows you deserve rest. Cullen is feeling much better now, he probably is going to start working today. I swear this man is insufferable.  
Find me when you wake up. I want to speak with you. _

_-Dorian_

Evelyn couldn’t hold back the sigh of relief which escaped her mouth. Cullen was feeling well. She had a chance to talk to him now, explain everything, maybe get to know some useful things... 

But she also realized it was going to hurt him. The way he looked at her with so much love and longing... She just hoped one day she was going to be able to return his feelings again. 

Evelyn was planning to go and find Dorian at once but then the packet on her desk caught her attention. She took the letter and opened it. 

_Inquisitor,_

_I would like to apologize for the delay. Your request was quite unusual and I didn’t wish to rush it._

_I hope you are satisfied._

The letter wasn’t signed so Evelyn was confused. Was it something she’d ordered before she lost all her memories? 

Her heart fluttered as her trembling fingers unwrapped a small, wooden box. Unsure of its contents, she decided to open it but felt a strange feeling of unrest. 

Inside, there was a golden necklace with the most unusual pendant she had ever seen. It was round and covered in some weird pattern which looked like... a coin? 

Everything happened so fast she didn’t have time to react. The moment her fingers touched the pendant, she felt the unstoppable wave of thoughts rushing through her mind. 

Conclave, the explosion, the mark. 

Cassandra and the shackles. 

Dorian and his father. 

Bull and their dragon hunting. 

Sera and her cookies. 

Varric, Hawke, Adamant. 

Vivienne, Cole, Solas, Josephine, Leliana... 

Cullen, his eyes, his smile, his scar, the first time he flushed at her words, Haven, the attack, their kiss, their first night together. 

Evelyn screamed as the sheer pain attacked her head. She pressed her hands to her temples and fell down on her knees. It was too much, too much... 

She liked cookies with jam. She liked sleeping on her back. She liked elderflowers’ smell, the sound of birds singing in the morning, she was used to waking up early. She hated her parents and her family hated her. Her favorite color was green, she loved rain...

“Inquisitor?” she heard a concerned voice but it was muffled. Her head was exploding, she couldn’t understand what was happening. 

_“We should spend more time together...”_

_“It seems too much to ask but I want to...”_

_“Yours is the only attention worth having.”_

_“Humor me...”_

The coin. It was the coin. 

“Cullen!” she yelled and jumped to her feet again. The headache was finally gone. 

She remembered. 

Evelyn never ran as fast as at that exact moment. Her mind was occupied with only one image. The image of a man she loved more than her own life, the man for whom she was ready to die. The man she finally remembered. 

“Slow down, what happened?” Varric stood in her way. “I heard a scream, everything all right there?” 

“Cullen...” she choked. “Varric, where’s Cullen?” 

“He’s training new recruits as always but don’t worry, he’s...” Varric meant to reassure her precious Commander was all well but she ran away. 

_I’m coming to you, my love. I’m finally here, I’m ME again..._

She saw him on the training yard. The day was unusually hot so he took off his armor and was sparring with some recruit, wearing only a white shirt and plain, brown trousers. Her heart skipped a beat and she stood there paralyzed, staring at him as if he was the Maker himself. 

“Cullen...” she whispered and let the tears run down her face. She indulged in the sounds of his name on her lips. 

“What are you doing?” Cullen yelled at the recruit. “If this was a real fight, you would have been dead already!” 

“Uh... Commander?” the boy stuttered and pointed towards Evelyn. Cullen turned around with irritation and froze. 

Evelyn drowned in his honey eyes. Eyes which were filled with hurt and bravery. Eyes which observed her with a painful longing. 

“Cullen!” she finally screamed and ran straight into his arms. 

She crashed into his body and as he pulled her up in his strong embrace, she started kissing him. It was a hungry, impatient kiss and she could taste her tears on their tongues. She flattened against him and held him with a sheer force. 

“Do you...” Cullen whispered when they finally broke their kiss. 

“I remember,” she sobbed and gave him the pendant. 

“My coin...” 

It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Her senses were blinded by his presence, nothing else mattered any more. 

“I love you,” she muttered between the kisses. “I love you, I love you...” 

Their tears mixed as Cullen carried her to her room. They didn’t care about the others. 

“I missed you so much,” he said when he put her on the bed. 

“I’m sorry, Cullen, I didn’t mean to... I’m sorry,” she planted gentle kisses on his cheeks and his forehead as he stared at her, having difficulties believing it wasn’t all just another dream. 

“I love you, Evelyn,” he mumbled, kissing her neck and pressing his body against her. 

She took off his shirt with one swift move, letting her hands trail his each and every muscle. 

“I love you,” she said and she knew it wasn’t enough. From now on, she would repeat it every day. 

They were both desperate for each other’s touch, desperate to feel their sweat mixing together, to feel as one. 

Cullen tore her shirt, making the buttons clink across the stone floor and he squeezed and kissed her naked breasts, biting the nipples delicately. 

Evelyn put her hand in his pants and when she felt his throbbing erection, her own arousal felt almost painful. She grabbed his member in her firm grip and when Cullen hissed, she started moving her hand up and down. 

He whimpered in her ear and grasped her hair, biting into her neck. 

“I want you,” she moaned when she managed to pull down his pants. 

Cullen desperately took off the rest of her clothes and didn’t wait anymore. He thrust in her with a sudden, forceful push. They stayed like that for some time, looking at each other with reverence, wallowing in the moment. There was nothing else in the whole world. Nothing but Cullen and Evelyn joined in the act of love. 

Evelyn knew she was going to remember this moment forever.


	7. Chapter 7

Evelyn stared into Cullen's eyes for what seemed an eternity. She never wanted to leave his side. 

„I can't believe I got you back,” Cullen said, caressing her cheek. „I was sure I lost you...” 

Evelyn smiled. No more tears, no more wallowing in despair. 

„I would have fallen in love with you all over again,” she said. 

„I'm not so sure,” Cullen answered with irony. 

„Oh, I am sure. Such a dashing commander would sooner or later catch my attention.” 

Cullen grabbed her wrists and leaned over her, planting a kiss on her forehead. 

„I don't want to risk,” he said sealing her lips with his. 

They were insatiable. It felt as if they had been apart forever. Both Cullen and Evelyn wanted to indulge in the moment for as long as possible. 

Unfortunately, their lives didn't allow for long breaks during the day. 

„Evelyn, I have to go,” Cullen spoke. 

„No...” she wailed. „Stay, please, we'll make a day off!” 

„You know we can't,” he smiled and stroked her hair. „But I promise I'll deal with everything as fast as I can, all right?” 

„And you'll come back to me?” 

„Always,” he whispered. „We will always be together.” 

Cullen left the room after another hour of talking, laughing and joking. It took all of his will power to leave Evelyn now that he had her back. 

When he closed the door, Evelyn jumped out of her bed. She quickly dressed herself, grabbed her pendant from the desk and ran to Dorian. She was sure she was going to explode with joy if she didn't share the great news with her friend soon. 

The way to Dorian's usual spot lead through the main hallway and Evelyn wasn't surprised to see Varric wandering all over the place. 

„Hey Sunshine, how are you feeling today?” Varric asked, observing Evelyn close. 

„I remember, Varric!” she exclaimed with joy, unable to hold back a minute longer. „I remember everything!” 

Varric smiled as relief went through his face. 

„Hey, Chuckles!” he shouted to Solas, who was sitting nearby. „You heard that? We've got our Inquisitorialness back!” 

Solas showed up quickly and Evelyn grinned. 

„Are you certain?” the elf asked. „How are you feeling, Inquisitor?” 

„Never been better!” she answered with a wide smile. 

„You better go and inform Sparkles,” Varric stated. „He's been worried sick...” 

„I'm going!” Evelyn said and turned towards the stairs but she faltered when she suddenly felt a sharp sting of pain in her head. She hissed and put a hand to her temples. 

„Inquisitor?” Solas asked with worry. „What's happening?” 

Evelyn took a deep breath and the pain disappeared as quickly as it appeared. _I must be more tired than I realized it..._ She thought and turned towards Solas. 

„Nothing,” she smiled. „I'm fine, I'll go to Dorian now.” When she noticed Varric following Solas's footsteps, she added „You know what? Tell everybody we're throwing a party tonight. In the tavern, all drinks are on me. We'll celebrate!” 

Evelyn didn't wait for their response but she was sure Varric was going to convince everyone in Skyhold to come. She took two steps at a time and soon, she saw Dorian buried in the Inquisition's books, mumbling something incoherent. 

„Dorian!” Evelyn exclaimed, barely holding back her happiness. She wanted to sing and dance with joy. It was such a wonderful feeling, to remember, to be herself again. 

„Evelyn? You woke up?” Dorian put down his books and approached her quickly. „Have you spoken with Cullen? How are you feeling? I'm sorry Cassandra and Leliana told you about it all, I can explain everything to you if you want to, let's sit here and...” 

„Dorian,” Evelyn grinned. „I remember!” 

The mage stared at her with shock and Evelyn couldn't help but chuckle at his facial expression. 

„I'm fine, I remember everything now!” she repeated, laughing carelessly. 

„Evelyn!” he embraced his friend and sighed with relief. „You have no idea how worried I have been! I almost went grey!” 

„I'm sure that would be a tragedy,” Evelyn giggled. 

„There's nothing funny about that, it's a very serious topic!” Dorian elbowed Evelyn but his eyes were gleaming with bliss. „So, are you planning to tell me how it happened or should I guess?” 

„Your guesses might terrify or embarrass me so please, don't do it.” Evelyn said with laughter. „It was this...” she said, showing Dorian the pendant. He took it in his hands with suspicion. 

„It's a... coin?” he asked, glancing at her in dismay. „I didn't know you were so attached to money, my dear Inquisitor, if I had known...” 

„Silly!” she exclaimed. „It's a special coin. I got it from...” 

Evelyn stopped as another wave of pain ravished through her head. This one was much stronger than previously and she whimpered silently. Her hands automatically found their way to her head and she pushed them, trying to make the pain go away. 

But it didn't. Instead of fading away like before, it struck with a sheer force. Evelyn screamed as her sight went blurry. She could see Dorian moving his mouth but she couldn't understand the words. The sounds were muffled by a lound thumping inside of her mind. 

Instinctively, she put a hand to her nose but when she saw blood, her heart skipped a beat. Terror took reign over her heart as she realized something was very wrong. The world started spinning around and as she fell into Dorian's arms, there were so many desperate thoughts gathering in her mind. 

_It wasn't supposed to end up like this. Why is this happening? Maker, why... Cullen... I'm so sorry, my love._

Although they had spent so much time together, she still felt there were so many things she needed to tell him. She winced as another wave of excruciating pain made the world go dark. 

She closed her eyes and knew she wasn't going to make it. 

_I guess they will have to celebrate without me._

Evelyn clung to Dorian's robes as her body arched in an uncontrollable way. She felt her nose bled profusely. All the strength she had inside of her slowly disappeared. She fought no more, succumbing to the pain, letting it take away her life. 

But she was happy. 

In the end, she remembered. 

Remembered her friends and all the adventures through which they lived together.

Remembered her lover, smiling at her with affection, always waiting for her, no matter what. 

When her body fell limp, she managed to smile one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It WAS supposed to be a happy ending story, I swear.


	8. Chapter 8

Cullen went back to his office with a wide smile plastered to his face. The unspeakable joy of having Evelyn back was filling his heart. The fresh memories of their love making brought new spring in his steps. He felt happy. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he felt this way but it didn’t matter. All that was important at that moment was Evelyn. 

Evelyn who kissed him with passion and didn’t flinch at the sound of his voice. Evelyn whose eyes were filled with love and affection. His Evelyn. 

Cullen felt he could do anything with her by his side. She was always the source of great strength for him. Her faith sustained him during the days when the lyrium withdrawal was the most demanding. She was the light in his world full of darkness. 

He stood in front of his desk and stared at the pile of paperwork but he couldn’t force himself to deal with it immediately. He wanted to indulge in the feeling that appeared so unexpectedly. When they found out about the possible way to break the spell, Cullen gave up almost all hope to get Evelyn back. To see her running towards him with tears in her eyes, to see his coin made into a pendant... He never realized how much his humble gift meant for her. 

Now, when he knew she finally remembered him again, he couldn’t help but imagine their future together. After they defeat Corypheus, after they deal with their enemies... Will they have time for each other? Will they be able to get married, have children, get old together? Cullen wanted to believe it was possible. Evelyn got her memories back, anything seemed possible enough. 

The smile didn’t come off his face when he started signing various papers and for a moment Cullen was sure he was going to be smiling for the rest of his life. 

“Hey Curly,” he heard a familiar voice and saw Varric entering his office. “Be careful, you’ll get wrinkles if you keep smiling like that. I take it you met our precious Inquisitor.” 

Cullen nodded but the smile still stayed on his face. His joy was endless and he wanted to share it with all of Thedas. 

“Well, your girl wants to throw a party tonight to celebrate. You’re invited,” Varric winked and turned around to leave but Cullen stopped him. 

“Varric?” he asked. “Do you think I should organize something for her?” 

“Well... you know women, they would never say no to a gift.” 

“I want to...” Cullen hesitated for a moment. “I want to show her how much she means to me... Do you have any ideas?” 

Varric opened his mouth to express his opinion but he never got a chance to say it. One of the soldiers ran into the office, panting loudly, panic beaming from all his posture. 

“C-commander...” he stuttered and stared at Cullen with terror. 

“Easy there, soldier,” Cullen said with a light heart. There was nothing in the world that could destroy his mood, nothing. “What is it?” 

“Commander, it’s the Inquisitor...” the soldier mumbled and Cullen’s heart skipped a beat. “She’s... I think she’s...” 

“Well, say it, don’t keep us waiting, she’s what, throwing a grand ball without telling us?” Varric joked but his voice was tense. 

“Something wrong happened to her...” the man said. “She’s in the library with Master Pavus.” 

Cullen didn’t wait any second longer. He ran to the library as fast as he could. 

He was no longer smiling. 

Her eyes were closed, her hair was a mess and her face was covered in blood. Dorian held her body and rocked it gently as tears fell down his cheeks. Solas was standing in the corner of the room and watched the scene with horror painted all over his face. 

Cullen felt weak. For a moment, he couldn’t move. He just stood there, staring at his friend holding his beloved woman’s limp body and he prayed it would just be a terrible nightmare from which he was going to wake up soon. His vision became blurry and he took one step towards Evelyn. 

“No...” he whispered. 

_It’s not true. It’s just a nightmare. I’m going to wake up and Evelyn will be laying next to me, looking at me with worry, holding me strongly and saying everything will be all right. It’s not true, this isn’t happening. It’s the lyrium, it messes with my mind._

“No, no, no...” he mumbled as he approached Dorian and fell down on his knees. 

“I’m sorry, Cullen...” Dorian said through tears. “There was nothing we could do, she just collapsed and...” 

“No,” Cullen repeated. “No, NO!” he screamed and pulled Evelyn to his chest. He kissed her cheeks and stroke her hair. “Wake up! Wake up, Evelyn!” 

He cried. He cried until everybody gathered in the room and stared at him terrified. He cradled her fragile body and kept kissing her. 

“Open your eyes, my love...” he whispered. “Come back to me, don’t leave...” 

“Cullen,” he heard Cassandra’s voice by his ear. “Let’s go.” 

“No, I’m not leaving her!” he screamed and held her close. “She needs me, I need her... She can’t die...” 

They were standing there for a long time and tears ran down their faces. 

Evelyn was dead. 

\--- 

There is a stone grave standing in the middle of Skyhold. A single grave, long forgotten by the world. 

But they remembered her. They remembered her bravery when they fought with Corypheus’ army. They remembered her kindness when they were slowly getting corrupted with red lyrium. They remembered her joy when they fell down on their knees and gave out their last breaths. 

The only person who wanted to forget was Cullen. It hurt to remember but even as he drowned himself in constant work, he couldn’t get rid of her image from his head. Her face was the first thing he saw in front of his eyes in the morning and it also haunted him at nights. 

But when he fought in the final battle against Corypheus, and when a sharp sword was dragged through his heart, he wanted to remember just like everybody else.

They all remembered her because in the end their memories were all that was left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this, I swear.


End file.
